Your Brave

Mirari just had our spring weeklong tour presenting master classes and performing concerts at several universities and colleges in Missouri.  We met, worked with, and got to perform for many smart, engaging, and fantastic performers and teachers!  Obviously, this is one of the amazing perks of this job, but I’m also realizing, the place I find myself most fearful – the horn in my hands performance arena.

Recently, I got a tattoo.  For those of you who know me, I’ve been thinking about this for several years now.  I finally did it a few weeks ago and it has been a decision that I have not second-guessed and/or regretted, ever (for those of your who know me, this is also a big deal!).

I have been on this Fearless path for about 9 years now (WOW!). I’ve had ups and downs, highs and lows, and have experienced a myriad of emotions on this Fearless ride.  Luckily, throughout this process I have made amazing friends and acquired an arsenal of Fearless resources all of which have helped me become a better performer/story teller when on stage.    

For each performance previous to this week, I had my inspiration sheet, notes of encouragement on my music, countless phone calls to and amazing advice from Jeff Nelsen (THANK YOU!) and many other friends to get my mind in the “right” place - to get me in the zone. During this past week, I felt the symptoms of nervousness start to invade my body (of course, stemming from my own thoughts) as we sat down to start our first concert.  My mind was filled with too many options.  What if I can’t get my lips to respond because they are chapped, and I’m dehydrated, and tired from a long day of rehearsal?  What if I can’t make it through this performance?  What if I can’t get notes to speak?  What if I freak out and am out of the zone?  I had 95 “What If” options. As I took my first breath of the performance, I looked down at my left wrist and saw FEARLESS emblazoned on my skin.  

It was an instant reset.  I was immediately calm, focused, and ready to share music/stories not only with the rest of Mirari, but with the audience, as well!

Fearless training has been such an integral part of my life over these past 9 years, that I didn’t need a paragraph explaining what it was, what it entailed or have someone encourage me to do my best to know exactly what I needed to do.  Fearless is something I am; it’s in my being (as it is for everyone).  Fearlessness comes from within, not outside, myself.  Just like you learn from your teachers, process what they say, put it into your own words, share it with others, and find out later, it is then your information to share and own, this experience was the same.  Everything I need, I currently possess.  Being Fearless isn’t about not experiencing Fear (nerves, shaky hands, unsteady breath, etc.) it’s about letting your Brave be the loudest voice you hear at that moment.

What would happen if we all let our Brave be the loudest voice in our heads?  What would your world look like if you shared your Brave rather than hiding your Fear?

This week, I found my Brave.  Not only did I find it, but I found the key to it, too!  This key is now etched on my left wrist.  I’ll never lose it, never have to second guess it.  It is, and always has been, within me.  

I have one option now, to BE FEARLESS.  ☺

Jessie

Finding the Balance

YAY!  This is my first blog entry!

In planning a music appreciation class last semester on opera, I came across a great video of Henry Purcell's Dido's Lament (When I am Laid in Earth).  It was a short interview with Philip Sheppard discussing his experience with Jeff Buckley at the Meltdown Festival in 1995.  I was incredibly inspired by Sheppard's thoughts and realizations about music and music making through this experience.

I have always known I was going to be a musician.  Music has always been my life.  Most of my activities are centered around music and my career is music.  Music makes me happy so, I choose to fill almost every second of everyday with music.  When I graduated from high school I went to the Crane School of Music to be a music student.  I took all sorts of classes, lessons, was in ensembles, taught, etc.  I then went on to grad school for a Masters and a Doctorate and took more classes, lessons, etc.  I was a perpetual student and pretty successful at it, too.  Always learning and studying how to be a good musician.  But, somewhere along the way I realized I had lost something that was pivotal to my success in becoming a great musician.  I had gotten so caught up in becoming a great student and fulfilling all my coursework and other obligations, I had forgotten one important thing, why did I go into music?

Hearing Philip Sheppard describe his experience working with Jeff Buckley struck a chord with me.  Is it all about what you've learned?  Is being a student and graduate of music studies the only course you need to become successful in the art and business of music?  Hearing the haunting, melancholy voice of Jeff Buckley was a sure answer.  No.

I had worked so hard to make sure I had all the information I needed to be great.  I spent hours in practice rooms and libraries. What I had lost along the way was remembering why I choose music.  What I felt when I heard the horns in E.T. (the movie), Mahler's Adagietto (4th mvmt to Symphony No. 5), the Kyrie from Palestrina's Pope Marcellus Mass, sitting around our family piano singing I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair, sitting in the pews of a dark cathedral holding a candle and being transported by the ethereal voices of the choir, hearing my own voice as a musician, were the things with which I had lost touch.

When working with students, I have them write down the piece on which they are working.  Then, I have them assemble a list of things that an optimal performance of the this piece would include.  When making these lists (including the ones I make for myself) 95% of the items are descriptors of beauty, inspiration, communication and connecting with listeners.  In creating these lists, I have dusted off the feeling I have felt ever since I can remember when listening and being a part of music.  I have realized that being a great musician means 50% learned information and 50% feel.

I've never walked away from a concert saying, WOW, they can really play great 16th notes or they keep really great time.  Although these things are essential and required for great music making, if we loose touch with the things music can allow us the space and safety to feel, what's left?

Philip Sheppard said that even though he only spent about a half an hour with Jeff Buckley he thinks of him almost every day.  Isn't that one of the things we all cherish about music?  It's ability to attach itself to the soundboard or soundtrack of our lives.  Being a great musician means knowing your facts and technique.  It also means coloring those facts and techniques with the art of being human.  Feeling.